i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
