you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
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you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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