I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Come on in and take your pants off
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