i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
