Soap is not a condiment
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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