Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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