I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
