im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
