I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
