Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
