dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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