I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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