No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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