I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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