Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
