Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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