I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize