life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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