We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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