I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
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