it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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