the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
