the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
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the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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