Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
