I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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