i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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