I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
