I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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