So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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