Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
