a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
