There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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