im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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