She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize