I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
