Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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