So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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