I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
