at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
