the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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