he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
