I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
