Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
