NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
