SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
