wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
