Plan B is the new Plan A
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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