just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
