my vag is so smooth its legendary
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Come see our sink grown plant.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
