you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
