Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
