your parents love me but you hate me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me