from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
