Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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