I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper