Kareoke will never be a sober sport
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina