Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
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To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.