even my farts smell like vagina
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.