apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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