So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.