One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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