I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
