Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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