she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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