She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
