We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
