my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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