ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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